Why are the good times so good and then the bad are so bad. Why, when I fall, do I fall so very far?

If I could go back in time and talk to myself. If I could go back 8 years - and tell myself what the future holds. If only. I would tell myself that it is not worth fighting for. Yes there are the odd moments of hope and love and joy. But they are just passing moments. Compared to the years of pain and darkness, I can't see an end, even now. The past was bleak and now maybe not quite so bleak. But it doesn't end. It will never end. But I have responsibities now. Back in the past I was free to end it. I should have tried harder. I should not have tried to fight. I should not have hoped in a better future.

I saw a quote today - "God's word is the truth".
Maybe in the past I believed that. but now I have come to see that for me, it might have an element of truth but it doesnt tell you about the other part of life - the struggles that seem to far out-weigh the good or the 'truth'.

I regret giving life a final try and for pushing onwards. I wish I had know what I know now and given up completely.